keeping my fingers crossed

some things you want to shout out to the world, some things you want to keep on your secret blog. and the latter are usually things that have been marinating in your heart for sometime and told in bite-size portions to good friends. but nothing beats the written word published on cyberspace.

it's venus retrograde so i'm not expecting anything... i'm just expecting this holds out till april 17... but i'm torn between making it work and patiently waiting-- or maybe the scheming girl's guide to appear to be waiting patiently but making it work and appearing "cool" at the same time... (sigh) summer love is pretty much the same whether one is 16 or 30.

but the cards give an exciting look at what's in store if i play it right...

Relationship Spread Mystic Art Tarot Position 7 Position 1 Position 3 Position 2 Position 5 Position 4 Position 6 Free Tarot Readings from Mysticgames.com

of course i could be fooling myself like i always do. but who cares, this is just phase one of my infatuation stages and will be over soon.

Cuckoo

i'm immersing in belle & sebastian this week... especially this friggin complicated song, "I'm a Cuckoo"...





"Jesus told me, go after every coin
Like it was the last in the world
And protect the wayward child
But I'm a little lost sheep
I need my Bo peep
I know I need my Shepherd here tonight
Breaking off is misery
I see a wilderness for you and me
Punctuated by philosophy
And a wondering how things could've been
Id like to see you
But really I should stay away..."


We'll be doing something like 6 covers for Belle and Sebastian nite in October... I think I have a relationship with my band-- I need to make time for it, keep the sparks alive, commit to it and jeez with all these projects I got, the commitment part is really tested!

But really... I am a cuckoo, according to this week's horoscope at Shine

Leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
Oh, Leo, you're a fool for love. It's kind of cute when Meg Ryan does it, but on you, it just looks pathetic. Walk away from love before it walks all over you, leaving nothing but a set of muddy footprints. (Yes, it's true, we're a little bit country, a little bit rock 'n' roll.)

artwork by AshleyG

when will it end?

Hello September

stolen from postsecret

New month, new hurdles. But I'm excited. In my 20's I'd probably wallow in despair and write the sappiest poems and pester old reliables into drinking with me. Now in my 30's, I decided to color-code my calendar and organize my to-do list for the entire month.

stolen from flickr

I bought a bright yellow notebook on the new moon for accounting my expenses. I'm doing 2 government-funded projects, a research fund for a television soap, and my own expenses of course. Last week was a nightmare figuring out how much money I really have and how much I owe the other funds I've been dipping in to. Unless by some stroke of luck I end up marrying an accountant, I have to force myself to balance my own books and never be bankrupt again.



photo credits: kideko, j.crew, wonderboy

Will be shopping for school supplies and little boy clothes later for Declan's first day of school tomorrow. I'm so excited. I wish I had the budget to shop for all these nice things online, but right, now I have to settle for SM.

He's been out of therapy for more than two years. Am such a bad mother for letting myself drown in debt and disillusionment. But things are gonna be different now. He'll by trying out ABA, for the first time and also , he'll be sitting in a SPED class with other kids. Now that's a gigantic leap from the one one therapy he's used to. Other kids... Now that's a bit scary for Declan, he kinda panicked the last time we were in the school for his evaluation. Hopefully he'll get used to it. Eventually, he'll be required to wear a uniform, according to the school admin. A uniform! I think I'm gonna cry...

i heart postsecret

stolen from postsecret

sometimes i pretend i don't so i can can feign jadedness and nonchalance (that's my not-so-secret post secret)

but a heartfelt virtual hi-five to whoever sent this.

Seasonal Affective Disorder

photo from jaciii


Stormy weather really causes one to forego deadlines and loiter on mysticgames.

Relationship Spread Mystic Art Tarot Position 7 Position 1 Position 3 Position 2 Position 5 Position 4 Position 6 Free Tarot Readings from Mysticgames.com

So it ends with the Death card. Was I to expect otherwise when the tacky themed room already gave a foreboding of things to come? The Titanic was a gigantic ship that sunk and killed a lot of people... But hey, it was also a story of conflicted love that broke social boundaries as well a box-office records.