Friday, February 6, 2009
stolen from le love
missed me? hahah...i remember one of my new year's resolutions being to "blog less, live more"... but not forego blogging altogether. blame my lengthy absence from work. i never thought that thinking for a living would be that tiring and time consuming...
but things are a bit laid back now. the bosses are panicking less and giving us time to think. and for me that's time to catch up on friends, and what's going on in the lives of my lurkees and in weblandia in general, and time to blog.
but this will be a short one as I have a film to finish. hopefully i can get the money by month's end or early march.
i had a haircut last new moon, bought new slippers and vitamin E. but my insides are dying. i need to feel the love of people around me, but how is that when 80% of the time I'm working with people who don't know me well enough. i couldn't do any of the soul-healthy things I used to like play with declan, play bass, listen to other people play music and read poems, drink with friends, watch films, sleep, stay in bed a few moments upon waking to contemplate on dreams, read good books, and write for writing's sake... I couldn't do any of those things.
And now I am sick, and coughing. And my voice is gone. Literally and figuratively.
But I get by. I bought new flats in black and blue and ate expensive pasta the other day. I will try to dress nicely and not be a slob. I will just think that I have a paycheck large enough to send declan to daily therapy, and maybe save up a little each month for investment in stocks later if and when the financial situation clears. and maybe if I manage to continue teaching while writing, I could save up for my little films. And those thoughts are enough to keep me going. Oh, and the nasty things like nicotine, and caffeine, and beer.
One day, I will be rich enough to buy art and make art everyday. One day I will be rich enough to have all the time in the world for myself and the people I love. One day I will no longer be late and rushing for work because I can afford to set schedules and these will be only for the things that matter.
But right now, I have less than 2 hours for lunch, getting ready for work, travelling to work, and working on the assigned story premises and wrapping up this blog.