Thursday, September 24, 2009

why blog when you can twit?

One day you wake up and realize that no one is really interested in what you have to say or finding out about the state of your banal life.

And if they really are interested, they would go to the extent of sending a personal message, or an invite to have a beer or go to an event, just to hang out. Both of which are better methods that protect your privacy and actually make you feel better.

Perhaps some people have that intention but are just neck-deep busy as I had been on the first-half of this year. Some are just curious, whereby a simple 140-character twit would do. Hence the discontinuance of this blog.

Besides there are other things to do, like make money, and make art, and study and practice and learn new things, and teach new things, and meet new people.

And lurk other sites on the vast vast web.

Till then...

Thursday, September 17, 2009


and because I'm exuding all this negativity, it would be best if you drop by these awesome sites

this girl must have a staff working for her, or she just has too much time on her hands

lovely (and informative) links


nuff said

Kitchen Cow

Food porn (by pinays)

because there's an explanation for anything

99 Percent
self help for creatives

6 months later...

... I decide to blog again. I guess it's typical of me to blog when there is no one to rant to. I get into this phase once a year... The phase when you feel you have an emotional/psychological rash you feel like scratching, it's irritating, and nothing and no one can help you...

and because this happens on an annual basis, I can confidently trace it's cause to lack of money. I just hate not having money, or the thought of not having money. Knowing that at age 31 I am earning less than what I am earning at age 21. Now how did that happen??! How could I have let that happen? I trusted too much I guess. It's showbiz for chrissakes. and i'm fuckin hero angeles.
one minute you're in it, next minute you're out.... and that's supposed to be how it goes.

of course it doesn't help if your former co-writers both are working on a new show, and your former headwriter is directing, and this godforsaken unit has acquired a new batch of workshoppers-- all vying to get hired.

so where does that leave me? christ.

Maybe I'm still paying for the time I pissed off this airhead trannie. (S)he's probably badmouthed me in an instant to the other headwriters... Maybe some ass read a job-related facebook shoutout rant (and this is of course while being locked in, unannounced, for 7 days, during my birthday) and spread the word to superiors on how i'm complaining about my work... Or maybe it's the thinking that "she just had a show, she'll be fine till 2010...".

Whatever it is, fuck them. Fuck TV. Fuck Philippine network TV.
You do your job, you sacrifice your precious time to hang around and imbibe a highly unproductive work process (is there is a process to the madness), you drop everything for them... and this is how you get repaid.

But... I still gotta think up an sexy-action concept to be eligible for the 2500/wk think tank fee, which is the only thing that's keeping me alive... Of course I can't think straight. All I can think about is how to come up with the extra money to cover my monthly expenses amounting to just under 25 grand.

So declan has to stop schooling? Do I let the yaya go? Do I get the dsl connection cut off? do i forego the life insurance I'm paying for? I don't know. What I do know is that I'm deep in debt again... I spent the last few days queuing up at cine europa's free movies just so I can stay away from my mom's tirade on what a useless louse I am. You'd think I should be used to my mom's insults by now... but no, every year as I get older, it hurts even more. When your mom asks you to "get a real job" at age 21, that's nothing. Try hearing that at age 31.

I am usually not this incoherent. But when you're in that weird place between anger and desperation, the words and the thoughts behind it get mixed up.

But I can't afford to freeze in my tracks. I just gotta figure a way out of this mess. But how? I'm too fuckin old to go entry-level at a new career. And I'm too proud to look for another job and just say that this one "didn't work out".

But I'm just ranting now. Useless words in cyberspace. I'm still gonna wait till they get me for another show. I'm still gonna attend these futile meetings and futile pitching sessions, and kiss ass... And then when I least expect it, I'm part of another creative team and the deadlines will begin and the lock ins, but the paycheques will come and I can pay off my debts... until the next drought...

But I can't go on living like this.

Life with ABS is pretty much like married life I guess. Hell... It was great at the start but now, you regret the day you signed the contract.

I'm still sticking with TV and mainstream... Even though I realized now that it won't make me rich enough to buy art... or make art..

I'm sticking around because I have nowhere else to go...

piece of shit

Sunday, April 5, 2009

as long as i remember their names....

there will always a special meaning behind these paintings

keeping my fingers crossed

some things you want to shout out to the world, some things you want to keep on your secret blog. and the latter are usually things that have been marinating in your heart for sometime and told in bite-size portions to good friends. but nothing beats the written word published on cyberspace.

it's venus retrograde so i'm not expecting anything... i'm just expecting this holds out till april 17... but i'm torn between making it work and patiently waiting-- or maybe the scheming girl's guide to appear to be waiting patiently but making it work and appearing "cool" at the same time... (sigh) summer love is pretty much the same whether one is 16 or 30.

but the cards give an exciting look at what's in store if i play it right...

Relationship Spread
Mystic Art Tarot

Position 7
7 - The focal point. Our mutual goal

Position 1
1 - My partner
Position 3
3 - The power that connects us
Position 2
2 - Myself
Position 5
5 - The resources of my partner
Position 4
4 - Our common base
Position 6
6 - My resources
Free Tarot Readings from

of course i could be fooling myself like i always do. but who cares, this is just phase one of my infatuation stages and will be over soon.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009


stolen from flickr

14+ years of schooling has taught us that summer is equivalent to rest, and fun, and joyful senseless living, free from work, and deadlines, and things we "need" to do.

Now, 10 years after graduating, I still can't shake of the lethargy and inability to focus on tasks at hand. And it is with a looming deadline and a ton of things to write, that I find myself verbally constipated. I need a couple of hours going non-verbal at eye-candy blogs for the words to flow. I like looking at pictures of verbs, of things I like doing.

My usual haunts.

Le Love

Le Smoke


Unruly Things

An Indie Rock Alphabet book

I rarely click on web banners, but I just couldn't resist this one... and a wise click that turned out to be...
stolen from pastemagazine

One day, in my hypothetical dream life, I will write and lay-out storybooks before my husband and kids wake for their bacon-egg-tomato breakfast.